Lord. Another thing I've had to do is face my issues and confess them, not only
to the Father, but to my brothers and sisters in Christ. The confessions I've
been making lately have been very difficult for me to open up about, but it was
necessary. I'm not saying everyone should tell everyone their business, but for
me, the decision I made to share such struggles was a huge step in being set
free. In sharing, I hope to encourage others to do the same, if they suffer in
silence. I may never know, but I don't have to. God knows my intentions.
Indecision and a wandering mind have been a stumbling block for me in my walk
with God. I didn't always know it. Much like my depression, these issues went
unnoticed for long. It's amazing how something so powerful can become such a
part of us that we assume that's just how we are. We settle for the
unhealthy mindset and that makes us a good target for our enemy, the
What kind of a threat can I be to him if I walk around disoriented and
I found myself unable to concentrate like before and my memory was failing.
Granted, these can also be due to an unbalanced diet, but given the fact that I
was going through depression, now it all makes sense. I just didn't notice the
symptoms, as they were present for so many years.
At times, even reading the Bible became a time of frustration. I couldn't
concentrate all the time and wasn't getting anything out of it. My mind was too
busy with many different thoughts to concentrate on just that one purpose in
front of me: to have my daily Bread, His Word. Simple decision making seemed
almost torture at times. I kept overthinking things, stressed about possibly
making the wrong choice, never knowing what the outcome might bring. Something
as simple as choosing what to eat created some tension at home. I'd try to have
my husband choose, but I wasn't tricking him. He knew I had trouble making up my
My friends wanted me to put off any work so I can enjoy my vacation and extra
time with God, but I love writing and it's very relaxing! It's soothing and a
tool for healing. I AM enjoying my God, my family, and my short vacation. I'll
be ready to hit the ground running again when I get back home at the end of the
week. Much is in the works for the Kingdom of Heaven in our Los Angeles
communities! We will bring glory to His name and with His help, we will do great
things (Psalm 60:12).
I may be repeating myself a lot, but I cannot stress it enough- we can't keep
our struggles to ourselves. We must confess them and get help. We must take care
of our relationship with God to make sure that the One we need most isn't the
last One we seek.
I vow to do my part so that God can do His in me. Although it's difficult for
me to leave my city and the rest of my family, I'm glad I did take a few days to
get away, even if my husband and son came and I'm not completely alone all day.
I needed this. It's not a luxury. It truly became a necessity. My prayer earlier
today, while sitting by the Colorado River, was this:
Lord, I trust You to finish the work You started inside me. May YOUR will be
done in my life, even if the process, the journey, and the pruning, hurt. You
didn't say that it'd be easy. You said we'd overcome. Thank You for calling me
away from home. As I seek You, I know You will meet me where I am. Mold me,
shape me, break me, at Your will. In the name of our Savior, Jesus, may it be