I lacked self confidence and self-esteem. There always seemed something wrong
with my appearance. The first time I remember being insecure about myself was
back in kindergarten. My mother used to keep my hair very short (boy short)
because I have curly hair and she had trouble taming my curls. Right after each
haircut, I'd walk around school with an arm over my head, trying to conceal my
short hair. It made me feel like a boy. One day I saw a teacher mistakenly
identify a girl who also had short hair, as a boy. That made me feel worse, even
though it never happened to me.
Growing up, I had many other reasons to be insecure. I still struggle. I
believe it's every woman's battle and even some men. Undoubtedly, it affects
more women, it seems. It stems from childhood. Many girls who lack affection at
home grow up seeking that love and affection somewhere else and they don't
realize it's a void that wasn't filled when they were little. Many beautiful
girls seek that love in what turn out to be dangerous and/or unhealthy
relationships and many wrong choices are made. Ultimately, everyone makes their
own choices, but we can make a difference.
I sat with Miss Nicole today and we discussed her struggles with this
monster. She's 18 years old, fresh out of high school, and has confided in me
some of the insecurities she struggles with. Here's a glimpse of how it
Q:What are your insecurities, if any?
A: I'm insecure about my body, and when talking with people. I'm afraid that they won't
Q: What about your body?
A: My skin is too pale and I'm too skinny. I want to gain weight. I'm like a noodle.
I'm not good enough.
Q: Do your insecurities play a big part in the decisions that you make in everyday
A: Yes, they really do. Sometimes I don't go out at all because I have eczema and I
sometimes don't like the way clothes looks on me. It's hard to find clothes
because I'm so skinny. I focus on my eczema a lot. I know I shouldn't.
Q: Is there anything traumatic that happened to you that you credit these insecurities
A: Yes, I used to get bullied in school. I was always the different one and the other
kids didn't like my pale skin or green eyes. I even got beat up once and they
cut my hair off. I didn't want to go back to school after that, but my mom made
me. I was about 14 when most of the bullying stopped, but not all of it.
Q: Do you truly believe there's any truth to your thoughts about yourself?
A: Yes, I do own a mirror. I know that everyone is beautiful because God made us, but
it's different with me. I see myself different.
Q: Is there anything about yourself you DO like?
A: I don't mind my ears. I would be more confident if my eczema wasn't an issue.
Q: What would you say to a little girl if she would come to you with the same
insecurities that you have today?
A: I would tell her not to listen because none of it is true.
Q: Listen to what you just said: "It's not true." Earlier you stated it WAS true and you knew it because you owned a mirror.
A: I know, it's different when it's your own insecurities.
Q: But you're admitting that they're lies.
Q: We're our own worst critic. I see you and I think you're beautiful. You're not
too skinny and you're not too pale. We see others sometimes and see them as
unreachable. We think, "If I could only be like them, if I could only have
that," but it's not true. We will never be happy. As soon as we reach the goal
we thought we wanted, we'll still want for something else. The issue lies deeper
than that. We have to know that our identity is in Christ. Do you confide in
anyone about this?
A: Sometimes. I have two or three friends that I can be honest with and they won't
We didn't get a chance to finish our chat, but it will continue in the next few
days. We never know what is burdening someone's heart. We have to take the time
to talk with one another, not only through technology (phones, computers, etc.),
but in person or on the phone. I remember being very young, insecure, and
feeling lonely. Though my shyness and insecurities kept me quiet, I knew that if
someone would just take the time to ask me, I would speak about my concerns.
Sometimes we just need to ask. We can be a friend, we can make time for one
another. We can pray for each other. A simple conversation can make a real
difference in someone's life. If we struggled with anything similar ourselves,
our testimony can really encourage others. Share what God has done or is doing
in your life. Let's be the hands and feet of Jesus and help others overcome!
There is always hope for healing when we have God. Some people don't know
If you are struggling yourself with any emotional issue, trust a godly friend and ask
for prayer. We're always willing to agree with you in prayer for any kind of
healing. You're more than welcome to send us a message with your prayer
Part 2 of
this interview will be posted soon.