It's come more often recently, even on dry evenings. I feel closer to God outside where I could stare into the sky, feel the wind, hear the birds, etc.
Nostalgic, but for what? Is it possible that I truly don't know? It's as if I long for a time past, something that never was or shouldn't have been. Not sure.
I saw a bird once sitting on a wire, while I watched from the porch. I thought, "Could that bird have more freedom than I do?"
I can't quite put my finger on it. Sometimes when I walk down the street, I could see the lights on in people's houses and hear their chitter chatter. It almost seems surreal, as if I were watching it in a movie and I can't help but wonder, "Do they know the Lord? Are they happy? What is their story? Everyone has one."
It's quite possible that this only all makes sense to me. But it doesn't make sense to me, ha! Does that make sense? Perhaps only to me...
Sometimes, on an emotional day (what girl doesn't have one or two in her lifetime?) I think I have the answer; I wish I could go back or somehow let the little girl I once was, know that Love came to save her over 2,000 years ago and He is the only Prince she'll need to get approval from. I would tell her that love is not always demonstrated, but should always be appreciated. I would tell her that true love waits and it's better when it does. I would tell her that her worth and purpose are found in Christ. I would tell her that her parents DO love her and always will! I would tell her that she'll hit "rock bottom" a few times, but THE Rock was firm and steady, ready to support her. I would tell her she was fearfully and wonderfully made by a God who saw her and knew her name. I would tell her to come out of her room and enjoy her family. I would tell her that the best is yet to come...
This is true and it's a possibility, but I just can't say. There is a longing, a hurt from something broken or absent and maybe even a desire to go back, but to what?! I want absolutely nothing from my past except the lessons I learned. Then what is it? What could possibly be so complex that I can't even think of it? Ah, the female brain; what a circus mine is :D
Still, my hope and trust are in Christ. I accept Truth over feelings. I am a new creation in Christ Jesus. Old things have passed away and all things have become new
(2 Corinthians 5:17). Glory to God.
Old wounds can be reopened, sometimes by our own hand. God still reigns.
These times of nostalgia can turn into acts of worship as I leave my confusion and feelings at the cross and praise God for being my All in All. Because He is. He just is and always will be. It's a strong Truth, more powerful than any longing or emotion.
Now, all glory to Him in the Highest. Holy is the Lord God Almighty who was, and is, and is to come (Revelation 4:8). Amen, come, Lord Jesus. Save me from myself, Ha ha