I'll try to spare you much of what you've already heard regarding marriage or I'll skim through it quickly.
Yes, we all go through our problems.
No, it's not a fairytale.
I've learned silly, but true things and I've learned important things. Here are a few:
- Men are simple creatures, able to concentrate on one thing at a time (mostly).
- We can't hide certain bodily functions forever (it's true), while men are perfectly happy demonstrating theirs.
- Men really, truly, positively, can't read our minds.
- We won't always want our men joined to our hip (this is a good thing).
- They won't always want US joined to THEIR hip (believe me, this is a good thing too).
- We (women) are not always right (contrary to popular belief- sorry ladies!).
BUT- I've also learned many more important things:
- Marriage is a battle, but not against your spouse; against selfishness, laziness, and self-sufficiency.
- God MUST be the center of our marriages. Not just by our words, but actually putting it into practice day in and day out, individually, and as a couple.
- We must learn to confront without accusing, even if we are right and they were wrong. Speaking in an accusatory tone will only make them get defensive or shut down.
- Sometimes we just need to keep quiet and keep certain comments to ourselves. We know when, we just don't do it, ladies.
- We can't wait for them to initiate a romantic gesture and complain when they don't. Men don't think or feel the way we do. If we want a hug or to hold hands, then we should hug them and hold their hand.
- The silent treatment isn't worth it and it isn't godly. It signifies unforgiveness too often and we MUST forgive.
- We mustn't share all the behind-closed-doors drama with too many people- especially those in our close family. If the issue is something serious, such as adultery, telling many members of our family may cause division between them and our spouse long after we have been reconciled. May God grant our men strength and grace that they will never fail us in that way.
- Love is worth the fight (not against your husband, of course, he he).
- Love is a choice, not always joined with fuzzy, warm feelings.
- We must let our men lead- our opinion can/should be stated, heard, respected, and considered, but we must allow them to be the spiritual leaders God made them to be. Pray for them!
There is a war against marriages. We have all we need to win. Trust in God and practice self control. Remember that the tongue is dangerous; use it wisely. Use it to build each other up, not tear each other down. Meditate on what it means to be a Proverbs 31 woman (minus verses 15 and 22- I don't get up before dawn or make my own bedspreads, lol).
If I could offer advice to someone wanting a husband it'd be:
Make sure he's a strong God-fearing man. No excuses.
If I could give advice to a married girl, it'd be:
Pray together. There is an incredible intimacy and strength drawn from praying with your spouse. Get over the awkwardness and if you can't, do it anyway. And seek counsel when needed from a trusted fellow believer and/or Christian leader in your church.
And if I could give advice to a married Christian person with more years of experience it'd be: Please reach out to younger couples. Pray for them and make yourself available.
We need your wisdom and godly advice.
We can be godly wives- we can! Let's be intentional about it. You are armed and you are gloriously backed by all the powers of Heaven.